The More You Suffer
by jadedvixen
Summary: Jeff realises one lonely night that he's being used by the woman he loves, but simply cannot tear himself away... -COMPLETED-


Title: The More You Suffer.  
  
Author: Cathie McMath. (email: penrithpanther_03@yahoo.com.au)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Jeff or Lita, or anyone/thing else affiliated with WWE. I don't own the song "Self Esteem" by Offspring either. I swear, I'm just a lowly fan!  
  
Summary: Jeff realises that he's being used by the woman he loves, but simply cannot tear himself away...   
  
Rating: PG 15+ to R.  
  
TimeLine: Whenever.. doesn't really matter.  
  
Distribution: Just email me and let me know if you'd like to have it.  
  
Author's Note: Kinda different to what I normally do... so please let me know what you think! Should I stick with what I normally do? Is this a good different? Any thoughts you have, please send 'em this way!  
  
****  
  
[I wrote her off for the tenth time today... and practised all the things I would say... but she came over... I lost my nerve... I took her back and made her dessert...]  
  
He knew he was a fool for loving her.  
  
He knew it, she knew it, and everyone else knew it too. And he'd tried to stop loving her... Lord, how he'd tried. But he couldn't get her out of his mind. Couldn't get her out from under his skin. She was in him, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't turn her away. Jeff Hardy simply couldn't say no to Lita.  
  
Jeff lay ontop of the covers of his bed, staring at the ceiling with his arms folded behind his head, thinking about the last time she had used him. It had only been the other week, on RAW. Lita had been having some problems with Eric Bischoff coming onto her, making lewd proposals and generally being a slime bag. She had come crying to Jeff about how scared she was, and how awful she felt being pursued by Bischoff. So of course, Jeff hugged her, made her feel better, and offered to do the right thing. He offered to stand up for her and talk to Bischoff.  
  
That night had ended with Jeff being thrown into a squash match against Kane.  
  
After the match, which had officially ended in a disqualification when Kane decided to smash a steel chair over Jeff's head, Lita didn't even say 'thank you'. Not even a smile or a hug. He had been alone while receiving medical treatment, and had gone back to the hotel alone. Once he arrived there, he caught a glimpse of Lita entering the lobby elevator. With Shawn Micheals.  
  
She broke his heart that night, and it definitely wasn't for the first time. He had loved her for years, and as soon as he realised he loved her, she began breaking his heart. It wasn't that she didn't know about how he felt... she knew. Jeff wrote her a song about his feelings and sang it to her one night two years ago. Lita told him that she understood how he felt, that she felt a connection between them too... and the very next night she began sleeping with his brother.  
  
Lying on his bed, Jeff closed his eyes tightly at the memories of the numerous times she had hurt him. No more. She wasn't going to do it to him anymore.  
  
[... well I know I'm being used... that's okay because I like the abuse... I know she's playing with me... that's okay cause I've got no self esteem...]  
  
Jeff scoffed at himself. Yeah right, Jeffrey. How many times have you told yourself that she wasn't going to use you anymore? How many times have you resolved to let her take care of herself? How many times have you tried to say no to Lita? Ten times a day, at least. And how many times have you actually told her no?  
  
Zero.  
  
Burying his head in his pillow, Jeff let out a defeated growl. No matter how long and hard he thought about it, and tried to convince himself to end his pathetic relationship - if you could even call it a relationship - with Lita, he knew that he'd never be able to do it. He knew that he'd never be able to look into those hazel eyes, those hazel eyes that he could simply drown in, and tell her that he didn't want to be with her anymore.  
  
It just wasn't possible.  
  
And now here he was, alone in an empty hotel room once again, simply waiting for the redheaded woman to turn up. They had plans to go out to dinner, maybe a movie, and then come back to the hotel for a quiet night in. They hadn't spent alot of time with each other lately... alot of Lita's time had been taken up by Christian.  
  
He was the "Man of the Moment". Before him, it had been Dave Batista. Before him, it was Maven. And before him... God, Jeff didn't even want to think about it. Lita was always somewhere, with some new guy. And in between them all, when she got bored or tired of the current boy toy that she was with, she'd come running back to Jeff. And he'd accept her with open arms time after time.  
  
[We make plans to go out at night... I wait till two then I turn out the light... all this rejection's got me so low... if she keeps it up I just might tell her so...]  
  
Sighing heavily in frustration, Jeff turned his head to the side, glancing at the alarm clock that sat on his bedside table. Almost two o'clock in the morning. Turning his head back to face the ceiling, he rolled his eyes. She wasn't going to come. And he didn't even know where she was. She was probably with Christian. Or maybe even someone new.  
  
Jeff felt sick. It hurt him. Every time she stood him up, every time he saw her with another guy, every time she got drunk and insulted him... hell, every time he looked at her it hurt. It hurt so much because after all the shit she put him through, he still loved her. He loved her so much that he couldn't even tell her that she was hurting him so much.  
  
Standing up from his position on the bed, Jeff walked over to the bathroom. Not even bothering to turn on the harsh, fluroscent light as he entered the small space, he turned on the tap and cold water ran from the metal and into the sink. He cupped his hands together, bringing them under the running water and then splashing the cool liquid onto his face. He felt droplets run down his cheek, leaving wet paths as they went. But he wasn't sure if what he was feeling was the water, or his own tears running down his cheeks.  
  
Dragging his feet, Jeff made his way back over to his bed. He realised that he should just go to sleep. What was the use in staying awake now anyway? He threw himself down on the large hotel room bed, the covers wrinkled and tangled beneath him. He closed his eyes, desperately willing himself to fall asleep. Instead, visions of her flashed underneath his eyelids. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that if he concentrated hard enough, he could purge her face from his mind and finally get some sleep. Undisturbed by her.  
  
[When she's saying, oh, that she wants only me... then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends... when she's saying, oh, that I'm like a disease... then I wonder how much more I can spend... ]  
  
Slowly, with each deep breath that passed through his lips, Jeff drifted to sleep. The image of Lita's face slowly fading from underneath his eyelids, melting into the deep darkness. Just as he thought he was safe, that tonight he might be able to get a decent nights sleep, he heard her voice floating through his ears.  
  
"You're the only one for me, Jeff."  
  
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Jeff."  
  
"Jeff, I'm so lucky to have someone like you."  
  
GODDAMN IT!! Could he not get that women out of his head for ONE FUCKING MOMENT?! Grasping at his bed covers roughly, Jeff growled and thrashed his head against the pillows. What was his problem? Why did he keep believing her and letting her hurt him? Why didn't he just walk away? It wasn't as if Jeff had a hard time finding women that were interested in him. Far from it. He had so many women approach him on the street, practically throwing themselves at his feet and begging him to take them. And hell, he knew for a fact that pretty little Stacy Keibler had a crush on him. She'd made it clear to him enough times.  
  
So why did he feel as though Lita was all he had?  
  
He gave a bitter laugh to no one but the darkness that kept him company in the small, lonely hotel room as he realised how pathetic he was. As he realised why he couldn't turn away from his redheaded curse.   
  
Maybe it was because she told him he couldn't.  
  
The times when she came to him - drunk as all hell - looking for one thing and one thing only, and he managed to find a shred of strength buried somewhere deep inside and say no. That's when the insults come. So completely opposite to the loving words she'd say to him when she needed some comfort for herself. These words were all about making him feel like shit.  
  
"I don't know why I even waste my time with you, Jeff."  
  
"You don't deserve me, Jeff."  
  
"Jeff, do you know how lucky you are to have me?"  
  
[... well I guess I should stick up for myself... but I really think it's better this way... the more you suffer... the more it shows you really care... right? ]  
  
When she sobered up, there was never a huge apology or anything like that. Sometimes Jeff got a "thanks for last night" before she left him alone. Sometimes there was nothing, just the sound of the door closing behind her. And that was simply the way it was.  
  
Jeff tried to stand up to her, tell her how much it was hurting him. But he couldn't. It was almost as if he didn't really believe that she could be that cruel and heartless not to recognise for herself what it was doing to him. He liked to believe that maybe, just maybe if he showed how willing he was to just stand by her side and wait for her to finally stay with him, she would see that. She would see that and realise that he really, truly cares for her...  
  
Raking a hand through his dark blue coloured hair, the youngest Hardy brother tossed and turned in his bed, trying to find a position of comfortability but knowing that he wouldn't be able to. He was never truly comfortable unless Lita was lying with him, in his arms. Which was contradictory considering the huge amounts of pain he went through every time he saw her.  
  
He sighed. It was because he really did care for her. Jeff knew it was stupid, that HE was stupid, but he simply couldn't help it. He couldn't turn off his heart. He loved Lita, and as much pain and discomfort and heart break she continually put him through, he knew that he'd never stop loving her.  
  
And it was then that he heard a loud knocking at his hotel room door.   
  
Jolted out of his thoughts, Jeff frowned, turning to the alarm clock beside him. 2:24 a.m. Who the hell could that be? He reached over, switching on a small lamp on the bedside table. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed and letting his feet hit the floor, he quickly raked a hand through his hair and glanced down at his clothes. An old Hardy Boys shirt and spider man boxer shorts. He shrugged. At least it covered everything up.  
  
The knocking continued, and he padded across the room towards the door. "Who is it?" He called out softly, afraid that the racket would wake the other superstars in his neighbouring rooms. Damn it, Victoria and Steven Richards were sharing a room to his left and he knew they were extremely light sleepers, and cranky as hell if they were woken up.  
  
The person on the other side of the door didn't answer him. They simply kept on knocking. Growing slightly cautious, Jeff readied himself as he reached out for the door knob and slowly opened the door.  
  
He felt the intense chill run down his spine as he looked at the person standing in his doorway.   
  
[... now I'll relate this little bit... that happens more than I'd like to admit... late at night she knocks on my door... drunk again and looking to score... now I know I should say no... but that's kind of hard when she's ready to go... ]  
  
She smiled at him, her eyes slightly glazed and narrowed. Her wild, red hair fell around her face as she licked her lips, her hazel eyes trained soley on Jeff. "Hey there lover."  
  
Jeff bowed his head. "Lita." He looked back up at her. "Come in."  
  
She stepped past him, running her fingers along his abs as she passed, a smirk playing on her lips. Turning to face him as he closed the door, she fell back onto his bed with her arms outstretched.  
  
He stood by the door, taking in her appearance. A tight fitting button up shirt that exposed a tantalising amount of skin, and a short mini skirt that showed off her legs beautifully. He ran his eyes over her, his facial expressions torn. His mouth was tight, yet his eyes were warm. "How much have you had to drink?"  
  
Lita sat up and looked at him, the half smile still etched onto her lips. She held up her fingers showing him. "Only this much. A little bit." She giggled. "I would have had more but that prick Christian left me in that bar all by myself."  
  
"He left you?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "He got pissed at me for some reason. I don't know why. All I said was that Edge had better hair than him." A wry smile. "And a few other better... features." She blew out a breath of air. "Oh well, his loss. He was a dud in bed anyway."  
  
Jeff shook his head as Lita turned her hungry eyes back on him. "Not like you though, baby."  
  
"Lita, please. I'm not in the mood."  
  
"Not in the mood?" She purred, standing up and walking towards him. "Jeff, baby, with me, you're always in the mood."  
  
He began to say something, but was cut off as she threw herself at him, her arms wrapping tightly around him and her lips crushing to his. He let out a muffled sound of surprise, and was again caught off guard when he felt Lita's tongue thrust firmly into his mouth.  
  
Oh dear Lord, she tasted like Lita. There was an overpowering taste of bourbon and whisky, but beneath that was the sweetness of her... and how good it felt to be tasting her once again. Falling completely into her, he responded in turn by twirling his tongue together with hers, exploring her mouth, sweeping over her lips and wishing he could taste more.  
  
Soon, he felt himself fall back onto the softness of the bed as Lita straddled his hips, her hands pushing against his chest. With the impact from the bed, he fell back to reality. Pulling away from her lips, both of them panting roughly, Jeff looked up at her with confused eyes. "I'm sorry... I can't.. do this."  
  
Her mouth still centimetres away from his, their breaths mingling together, Lita leant her forehead on his, and locked eyes with him. "Yes you can." She kissed his lips quickly one time, two times, three times, then ducked her head so that her tongue swirled skilfully over the sensitive skin on his neck, her teeth clashing at the skin every now and then. She mumbled into his skin as she licked and nibbled, "Yes you can."  
  
[... I may be dumb... but I'm not a dweeb... I'm just a sucker with no self esteem... ]  
  
"No..." He breathed, his eyes closing slowly as he felt her grind against him. Her hot, moist mouth still on his neck, her chest crushed against his, her hips pressed against his growing hardness... He groaned as he lost control, giving in to what he felt. "God, Lita, don't stop.."  
  
Knowing she had won, she smiled wickedly as traced her arms down his side, grabbing at the hem of his shirt and roughly pulling it off over his head. His eyes heavy with desire, Jeff kissed her hard, and he gasped as he felt her sweep her hands across his bare chest, tickling his nipples slightly and twirling around his naval ring.  
  
"I want you so bad Jeff..." She whimpered, and he hurriedly tore her button up shirt away from her flesh, ripping some buttons off but neither of them caring. He banded his arms around her, crushing her breasts against his chest and loving the feel of her hot skin against his own.  
  
Lita raked her hand through his hair, her nails scratching at his skin and fisting his hair. She bucked her hips, feeling his reaction to her and needing to feel it even closer. She settled right against his hip, their pelvis' interlocking through silk and cotton. Then, arching her back, she began to rock her hips, slowly, with purpose. She was breathing heavily, her eyes fluttering closed.  
  
"Oh, baby, God... Lita..." He was lost in her. Again. Utterly and completely lost. And dear God how he wanted her. So bad. So much. So hard. He needed her...  
  
She hooked her fingers under the band of his boxers, and he moaned at her touch. She began to pull away the silk, smiling as she did so until she felt his hand stop hers. Her eyes flew to his, and he was looking at her with sad eyes.  
  
His chest heaving, he shook his head. "I can't... we can't... do this anymore."  
  
"What?" She almost laughed.  
  
"It's gotta.. stop." He gently pushed her off from his lap, and passed his shirt to her so she could cover herself. She sat on the bed, watching him with bewildered eyes as he stood and paced beside the bed. "I just can't do it anymore."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
He turned to her. "We could have sex tonight Lita. Like we do every night that you come to me. And it would be amazing. Sweaty and passionate and unbearably good. But in the morning, what's going to happen?"  
  
She shook her head, eyeing him warily.  
  
"You'd leave me. Like you always do. Go back to Christian." Jeff frowned, his green eyes growing dark. "Or you'd hook up with someone new. You'd leave me."  
  
"Jeff Hardy, are you calling me a slut?"  
  
"No." He expelled a heavy sigh. "I'm just telling you what happens. I sit alone, thinking of you constantly while you party down with the latest boy toy. And then when he says or does something wrong, you come crying back to me. And it starts all over again." He stared at her. "And I just can't keep getting hurt that way."  
  
Glaring, she stood from the bed, the old Hardys t-shirt thrown over her head. "Who are you to pass judgement on me?" She scoffed, pointing at him. "Without me, Jeff, you'd be nothing. And you know it."  
  
[... well I guess I should stick up for myself... but I really think it's better this way... the more you suffer... the more it shows you really care... right? ]  
  
He ducked his head, and Lita stormed past him, reaching for the door knob.   
  
"You're wrong."  
  
She opened the door, and paused in the door way as she turned back to face the man that had spoken.  
  
He turned to face her, his green eyes swirling with sorrow and anger and resolution. "You're wrong. I don't need you. And without you, I'm going to be so much better."  
  
Lita stood silent, her eyes searching his, narrowing in concentration. After a few moments of heavy silence, she let out a breath. "We'll see Jeff. We'll see."  
  
And then the door was closed, and Jeff was left in the empty room, alone again.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
